I am in a coma for four years. My wife and son used to come to me every day, then every second day, then once a week; now they show up here on some very rare occasions and it seems to me they do it out of a sense of duty. I can understand them, they are tired of talking to my motionless body, which is not able to reply, hug them or even look into their eyes. They think I’m not here anymore, that only my physical shell is lying on the bed. They are wrong. I’m here and I see, hear and feel everything. I just can’t let them know…

Now I have more time for reflections. In fact, all this time I was thinking, considering and estimating my life, trying to understand how the world works. Finally, I made certain conclusions.

I realized that all personal achievements are not important. It’s the time when you were yourself that matters. Real you. When you weren’t deceiving yourself, or forcing yourself to do something, when you weren’t lazy. When you were doing something you love, something you haven’t had a chance to do in a good long stretch of years. Those lucky people who can afford that would be remembered for years; among them are poets, artists, military leaders etc.

We all are in a whirl of life: often we have no time to do something, often we forget or don’t think, often we waste ourselves for routine and existence, for making money, long sleep or laziness. Time flies by very quickly and unnoticeably. There is too much routine and too little life. You need to be a strong person to turn around and start swimming against current. To go back to that bank, from where we all start our journey and see ourselves – strong, powerful and free.

If I thought about that before my coma, my life would be totally different. And if such ideas visited people that make money on war, I wouldn’t be in coma, in this silence…

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